Nikki Lives With Me.

Recently I have realized that I am losing my mind,

Therefore, I have Nikki come over, and she makes me feel sane.

Life is happy now.

So anyways...

Recently I think I've been lyrically losing my mind. My last to songs were so odd.

1. About my thoughts and hope on vividly and morbidly murdering Lilies with whoever I was writing the song to...I think it was a metaphor for the female habit in today's society of valuing themselves upon marital status. My friend had a dream of me marrying a boyfriend of mine at the time and it involved lilies being sewn onto my dress and being in my bouquet, so naturally, Lilies would be my metaphor for marriage.

2. Was about how my friend old trailer in a trailer park was what I considered as more of a home to me than my own house, and how I viewed her drug addict brother (He's clean now) as a demon.

I'm losing it. I can't wait to see what my insomnia brings next.

Pictures of My friend from the July Photo Workings.

Here is my friend.

A Few Lovely Pictures.

Over the last few days I've been on a picture taking rampage. Everywhere I've gone, almost everyone I've seen, I've been taking pictures of it all.

So, here is the first set of pictures. (c) Kayla H. 2008



















This last one is of me. It has more of a deeper meaning to it than the others. You can't see my eyes, and the hairspray is going everywhere just to remind myself and others of the unhealthy obsession in America that women (and I) have with their appearance. The hairspray (obsession) clouds the light that shows inner beauty in all women of every shape, size, and color.

These are just the scenery pictures and one of the people I've been photographing recently. I still need to get permission from some of the other people.

enjoy!

~KaylaJo

Kayla is Alive.

Alive. I just posted that on my Facebook, "Kayla is Alive" and then I wondered, what really is living?

Is this strange "living" thing what some people consider to be great risks and great accomplishments, with wild rides throughout a hectic assortment of events that keep going on and on until someone ultimately dies?

Could this be life?







Or maybe "Life" is the customary things. You know, getting married, having kids, working in an office and regularly attending a place of worship, and being an upstanding member of the community, all complete with the two story house and white picket fence.

Could "life" look like this?



Or maybe "life" is the reality of things. You know, being depressed even on the sunny days, feeling guilty about eating that extra slice of pizza, and realizing that the idea of a "perfect life" is simply a facade?







And then, after looking for all these pictures online to visualize my thoughts, I realized that being "Alive" is honestly, just what is made of it. As i typed that i thought to myself "Good job KaylaJo, you just wasted a half an hour to figure out something that everyone has known for years", but the I though about it further, and realized that "Life" is NOT what you make it, but it is simply what is being made.

Like a sculpture with a thousand sculptors, "Life" is something that can only be done once, with thousands of variables and changes all through out the process of creating this thing called "Life" which can only be summed up upon death.

Life isn't what you make it, but simply, what everything and everyone in Life makes of it, all together in both chaos and harmony, thats all there is to it.

So now I hope, that as I too, along with everyone and everything else in the universe, affect tiny bits of thousands of lives, that I can do a good job of it, because if not, then the little pieces i make of life are screwed.

So i say to you all (even as cheesy as this post may be) Happy Living,

With much Love to all that read,

~Little Miss Indie Trash

The Amy Winehouse and Peace Report

Peace. Let's start with that, shall we? Some people have been protesting the Iraq war from the start, some people tried to understand both sides of the story, yes, even including that of the people we were fighting over in the Middle East. (And those who decided to reject the Middle Eastern side are just a textbook example of people fearing what they do not know, then some choose to be ignorant of the other side, then leaving themselves to still fear.)Well I have news for you all...

For about the past 9 or so months I have been walking through malls, chain stores, and all that good stuff and noticed something that I don't know how to feel about.

Peace is plastered everywhere.

On one hand, this is great. I mean really, people are finally coming to their senses and begging for peace. They are finally also promoting recycling and environment saving along with that too! Oh joy, oh rapture! Perhaps this is the greatest era since the 1960's!!!

Or perhaps not...

I was right when I said that Peace is plastered everywhere. In clothing stores that use overseas slave labor for that matter, (Victoria's Secret being my prime example, just Google it)the manufacturers are plastering Peace on every item of clothing, and along with that comes recycling and "Love" and all that good stuff. But, now all these wonderful things that should have been being fought for from the start are becoming just another fashionable fad. Maybe the people who go around wearing peace and recycling signs around their necks and on their T-shirts DO mean what their wardrobe says, after all I know I do.

But my question is, and even to myself, what happens when the fad dies? Could we be being nearly brainwashed with catchy slogans that make us appear "cool" to our friends, so that when this fad dies, we no longer feel the social pressure to take on the real issues in the world? what happens next?

So now, I challenge all those reading this, and especially myself (because I'm a fad victim too) that even after cool store around America stop selling the positive messaging to the public, that we all take on the responsibility of still caring and fighting for the issues. Still no matter what, we have to remember the Peace should never be a manufactured fad, but rather a way of life. Challenge made.

_____________________________________________________________________________________



Amy Winehouse. Now for my rant about her.

Simply put, she is one of the most admired women in my world. (besides that of Kasturbai Gandhi,worldwide feminists, and my Great-Grandmother)

She is a truly lovely woman, with a wonderful singing voice and lyrics that really grip at a person.

So, as much as I aspire to someday be her musical equal or more, I realized something that makes me quite sad.

I was singing along with one her songs, and comparing the voices, she far exceeds any of my ability in the vocal-ness of music.

Sadly, I want to be a singer/songwriter for my lifelong career, but now I fear that I am extremely untalented and painful to listen to, and I will most likely never even come near to the equivalent of Amy Winehouse.

Sadly, I am most likely already an untalented singer, and I doubt that I will be admired by fellow musicians in the same way i admire Amy Winehouse.

A sad epiphany, but the times change, and so do my opinions of myself, so perhaps I should be Zen for a little while, and live in every moment as it comes.

Why does blogging always give me these strange epiphanies???

In short,

xoxoxoxoxo

~Kayla Jo, Little Miss Indie Trash

The War

Today i am going to be lazy and put a post up that i copied from an older blog that a friend of mine and i did. if you are interested in it, its called screwgarvityandorangesheep.blogspot.com, if not, here is a post that i copied in from there.

"personally i am opposed to the Iraq war. yes the intentions of the troops are generally good, but they are causing more and more issues for the Iraqi people, whom want us out.


Al Qaeda is a force of terrorism that opposes western forces, and if our troops, being westerners come into the east land of Iraq much longer, we create a multitude of issues for trhe self sufficient place that does not need our overseeing like they are children in daycare and we own the pre-school.

also not only have soldiers unnecessarily killed innocent Iraqi's as the army has the policy that a soldier can kill anyone they see as a threat, without a necessary proof, trial, warrant, arrest or anything. they can just be annoyed with someone, kill them, and claim that they were somehow a threat. 14 journalists have also been killed at the hands of American forces.

these attacks are brutal, and we are just making a worse image of ourselves to the world.

people please Google the winter soldier program, which is filled with the testimony's of veteran of the iraq war, telling of their trauma, trials, and terrible things that were done in and by the army."

In case you haven't guessed, I don't consider this to be a mindless drivel post.

A Random List of Favorites.

List of Favorite Musicians, the very top of the top in my mind.

Here we go...

1. Coheed and Cambria

2. System of a Down

3. Queen

4. Amy Winehouse

5. My Chemical Romance (but honestly, Three Cheers for Sweet revenge is an awfully kick ass album)

6. Wolfmother (just plain amazing.)

7.No Doubt

8. The Fall of Troy

9. Serj Tankian

10. Weezer

but aside from the list, I don't get to listen to these guys as much as i would like to, but these are a few highly revered musicians I admire.

Rush
Miles Davis
Yes
Boston
Beck

So thanks to those of you who bothered to check out the list. And still, this list is not me proving that I'm self absorbed, rather that I am obsessed with music and these are all musicians that i would highly suggest checking out to anyone reading this post.

Much Thanks,

<3

~Little Miss Indie Trash (KaylaJo)

Hooray for Peta

I Joined them on Facebook. I feel special.

A Kitten and Guinea Pig

I just got a kitten and a guinea pig in the span of two days, and they are about as cute as a kitten and guinea pig can get!

My Kitty is Betty(Boop, for long)

My Guinea Pig is Edgar (if it is a bot the names Claudio Serj will be added to it, if it is a girl it will still be Edgar, but it will be Edgar Marie)

so everyone be happy! lulz.

Go Cry, Emo Kid

So there was this thing.

I went over to a friends youth group while i was here in Buffalo yesterday and this little random boy started singing on stage as part of the "worship band". Don' t ask me why i was at the youth group, because i honestly don't know, but this kid could not sing and was just standing there looking dead throughout the entire performance.

Later on we went to the cafe section of the church and he sat all alone hunched over his Pizza, even though it was a joke for a minute, my friends and i tried to get him to talk to someone, but then he ended up bombarded with tons of kids trying to get the kid to speak, after which he ran away.

why do kids start performing, obviously in order to gain popularity, when they then just run away from people? anti social-ness is everywhere, and we have all seen the loner kids, but i mean, what makes outgoing people so scary?

but thats all my serious talk for today, now for my mindless drivel that i promised you all.



Apparently there was some guy in the news recently, who was using a nail gun.

He got a nail shot into his skull.

and you know that they did to help the guy who could have died because the nail was lodged in part of his brain?

they pulled it out with the back of a hammer.

I worry about my own generation now.

Tomorrow is Leaving Day....

Tomorrow i Leave for Buffalo.

In other news... Last night was an awfully cool storm, lots of thunders and lightning and such...and now i look outside after all the chaos and i see a bright and sunny, what is normally called a "cheerful" day, with a butterfly flying around. Very interesting transition, that seems to come and go with me as it does with the whether. Or maybe I'm just sounding stupid. But i highly doubt it.

I Can't wait 'till I'm eighteen, I'll be getting soooo many tatoos.






I like all these a lot....especially the ones with really bright colors.

and as far as piercings gooooo.............





Okay, maybe not that extreme, but piercings do rule.

Well thats all i can think up for the day!

hope you all enjoyed it!

Me.

Reason for the name?
I'll explain.

Little- I'm a small person, I'm about 5'4 and somewhat slender with little shoulders, small person.

Miss- i NEVER want to get married.

Indie- I am an independent person, i try to support independent businesses, and i like indie music and poetry, and some art.

Trash- I live in a white trash kind of hick town place that is hell on earth, and i have no self esteem, so trash fits.

and that explains my name.

Top Hats Rule.

I mean really, we have all seen top hats an we all can (hopefully) agree that they are beyond sexy. Don't believe me? I'll prove it to you.








hopefully you now understand my reasoning...top hats rule. Hmmm...maybe thats why Abraham Lincoln won the presidency way back when...I'll have to remember that.

Hey Obama, wanna win? Wear a top hat. :-)

Much Love and Hate to the world,
~KaylaJo : Little Miss Indie Trash

Post #1

Recently many things have ended.

-My relationship with my boyfriend
-A very tiresome and stressful school year
-My being forced into going to Sunday school
-My content with one of my very best friends (who I now wonder why I can even stand her)
-My former snobbishness
-My feeling of security in this world
-the availability of the therapy sessions i formerly attended
-the calmness of a ridiculously gossipy and angry extended family
-me not knowing whatever i will do with my life
-the unavailability of performing arts camps and school that i will be attending to further my artistic ability (even what little shreds of it i may have)
- The availability of money at home
-my self esteem
-my being able to say that at least "they don't know what's going on" (but if you're not involved in that then please don't scratch your head trying to figure it all out)
-And most importantly...my sanity.

I know that people have bigger problems than me in the world, and I and grateful for what I do have, its just now that everything is spinning around in my head i feel the need to prove myself to my inner being even more. I plan on getting somewhere better in life hopefully, its funny, I'm just a teenager but i already feel like i have lived my whole life and now i need to get it right before i die, as if i have some expiration date on the bottom of my foot that i cant quite decode yet, bu ti know my time is coming. Who knows?

this will be one of the few of my more serious posts, normally this summer ill just be rambling on about random crap that i hope you will enjoy.

but today is my day to vent.

tomorrow is my first day working at a hospital as a receptionist, all volunteer work, cant wait to start, though it seems that every summer i end up trying to do some "good work" as most the world would call it, solely to say to myself at least I'm not a complete failure.

music seems to be my refuge from depression, whether it actually physically be there or self induced or indulged or whatnot, its there, but i have the music to save me...and that is good. music is all i want to do with my life, and i feel bad, because i would give up any romance or whatever to get somewhere off of music. maybe i just have my head in the clouds, maybe I'm actually no good at it, but hell, its what i want to do.

life plans?

become famous singer songwriter

become an activist be age 24

after that i want to be part of the peace corps, peta, any other things like that, i want to do some journalism and such, set up school and hospitals in developing countries, the usual, call me communist, but liberating the proletariat sounds nice as well.

by then i hope to be an established musical artist and activist, so ill start and art museum, and if I'm any good, I'll just set up a piece or two of my own in someone else's museum or my own...whichever works.

so i might be in my late twenties, early thirties by then...i don't plan on ever getting married or having children, but if i ever did then that time would be ideal. i would never have a biological child though, its disgusting. its just carbon copying ones self and then going through the playgrounds having one claim that one's child is better than all others, just disgusting. so, i would adopt kids in poor countries that needed a home.

by then i would be rather old, so i would work on running for senate ( by going to law school obviously, i don't plan on going to college before then)and starting some cool stuff over in the USA if I'm not already living in Pairs by then. After the senate, possibly at around age 35-42 I'll run for president and see where that gets me, and if i win, after i serve my term(s) I'll spend the rest of my natural life putting smart kids with potential through college, continue music, and then hermit around the world. :-)

don't think I'm stupid enough to think this will all happen when i want it to and such and such like that, because I'm not. I know that not everything will work out if or when i want it to, but this is what i want with my life, and all you out there with absolutely no plans should not go telling us head-in-clouders that nothing will ever happen for us, because though not all of it will work out, a lot of it will. :-)

and there is one of the few serious posts you will see on here, so you can get to know your internet host, the rest may be mindless drivel that i conjured up after eating too many Vojos for my own good, or it could be my political standpoints (which could also be construed as mindless drivel), or it could be updates on my demo CD and progress.

Much thanks to those of you who took the time to read this :-)

~KaylaJo, Little Miss Indie Trash.